Direction

I've decided to start a blog. Not because I have anything particularly interesting to say or because I have a burning desire to share my life with complete strangers. This is just an outlet for me and something I can look back on in a few years and hopefully see that I've grown somehow. Most likely though I'll laugh at how differently everything turned out. 

So I've come to a point where my life is increasingly in my control and the path I take is up to me and no one else. I first noticed this after high school ended when suddenly people were looking at me to make my own choices. This new, no holds barred world is pretty awesome sometimes--don't feel like going to class today? Then don't! No one cares!--but at the same time I feel like I'm floating in an abyss of sorts. Over a year and a half after graduating I still don't feel like I've found much direction. In a sense I guess I'm waiting for something to happen. Well maybe I've lived my whole life that way...just waiting. Except before that was fine--from pre-school to the end of high school my endgame was always getting into college. Done. 

But now what? 

Waiting isn't exactly the best course of action as I rapidly approach the real world. Oh God. I have to get a real job at some point. But that's a story for another day. First I have to settle on a major. I might have chosen one last week...maybe. I have until the end of Spring quarter to declare. We'll see what happens between now and then. Basically I have about four months to decide what I want to do with my life. Sweet. Indecision rocks!

I guess the only thing I really know I want is to study abroad. More than anything I want to live in Paris. I don't know what it is about that city, but it has a hold on me that hasn't loosened even slightly since I was there in June 2006. This is more waiting though, dang it! I'm hoping to go in the Spring of 2010. Meaning I wouldn't leave until just under a year from now. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I haven't even applied yet. One step at a time.

I guess I just have to keep telling myself that: One step at a time. God has a plan for me. I need to trust that I am not, in fact, floating in an abyss. He is guiding me. He has my roadmap.

If only I could see the map...

I feel like this song is fitting:

breezy sunday afternoon

I was strolling along the sidewalk strips

down on seventh avenue

a stranger asked me for direction

I said I don't have a clue

I swear I'm just as lost as you